Selamat hari ulgbln 34~

Salam. Hai.

Selamat hari ulgbln ke-34.

Lme dh tu kot? almost 3 years.

Alhamdulillah. xbosan. masih syg. sentiasa~

Insya-Allah.

But still. today.

i feel lonely.

im alone..

i dont have anyone..

maybe, the truth is. im the one who executed myself from the others. But what cn i do. I just feel that im alone, n prefer to be alone. Going to CIMB alone, by myself. is ordinary. but sitting therre.. alone.. kt buaian.. waiting for nobody. or to be exact, waiting for the breeze to pull of my bad moods.. is extra-ordinary.

DOWn. the perfect word. what cn i do? Bfore posting dis entry, i was writing on Izat's blog. hope dat he'll reply soon. I need him more than i need myself now. kot? 

Huhu.. im pathetic. i hate dis. but then,  how? i dont know. how to cure this. i pray.. a lot.. i cried.. and it lead me to more emptiness.. at the end, here i am.. feelingless. hatred toward myself. DONE.

What a hepi ulgbln kn? Huh.

if i am brave enough, i'll go to Pulau Perhentian. Now. but i cant. Tomorrow, ad kuiz. ad training bola tmpar... May everything turns out to be the best, tomorrow. though. naik bas UIA- nk muntah! huhu

Till then, sori for all my wrongdoings...

Weekend kali ini,(2-week-b4 final exam)

Salam. Penat weyh mencuba.. although dlm entry bfore ni, ak ad kata.. ak akn terus mencuba. Oh yeay. Tp, makin lme.. dgn keadaan sekeliling.. plus xrsa brape shat.. pyakit lme mle kmbali dan sgala bagai lg. semua itu jd sgt sukar.

SEMALAM- JUMAAT. Hari Malaysia.

Tau ap ak uat? Well.xde kelas. Cuti la kn. Dh lme xuat habit ni. but then smlm, yeaa. dtg smula dh prgai lme.... Dem. Ak pose pn lg satu. (susahye nk pose!hangin satu bdn.. sket2) Pas sahur, subuh dan bc matsurat. Landing terus. Baik puye.. Tgk dlm schedule, Jumaat- Ready utk struggle. Ap lg trus tdo. Bhya kn? mind-set ready je. bngok tul. ptutye ak tulis nk uat ap. So, dh tulis ready.. Mmg ak ready sgt2 la... Bgn kul 8lbey, mgemas bilik. lap kipas~ aktiviti rumate. then tdo smpai after zuhur. kul 2 bgn, baca novel, Sparkles- Louise Bagshawe( Favorite writer!! ). bca smpai kul 3. mandi, solat. baca lg... ptg, solat n bca lg.. even mknan brbuka pn beli kul 7. solat, bc Quran (alhamdulillah.tp, mmg satu page je la) bca lg novel tu.. Then. nk stop after Isya, stdy. tp tidak. kul 10 lbey bru hbes novel tu. solat. n buka laptop.

Oh ye. Tula dia.  TIDO-NOVEL-...

Tp, ak rsa alive ble bca novel tu.haha..

So. hari ni, ak dh bertegas. No matter what. ak kna improve. Hari ni pose lg. Insya-Allah. Pas subuh tdo.. Bgn kul 9, uat dhuha dan buka lptop. Kta kul 8, tp. td kul 9 pn susah weyh nk bgun.. nk nges je.. Last2 ak uat sit up. bru g mandi. Buka laptop, bukan mksud ak buang masa okeh. kna bca artikel dri kitah ihya-ulumudin.. Al-ghazali. utk BTQ. Byk sgt.. pening pale.. dhla download msuk adobe............................................... Dan yg sdemikian, ak pn mle la. berfacebook, bca kosmo, bharian, bca psl kesihatan... pkhwinan.. Berlusconi, Brad Pitt, Ha.. ap ntah lg. haha.. 

Ak cuba weyh.. sbnrye, bca 20mins pn nk tdo. tu yg tpksa melencong. bca sikit, melencong. smbung blek baca kitab tu, melencong lg.. But im trying my best. xnk tdo... Jeles ye dgn Husna. She is very competent. consistent. Dri pg td, time ktorg sme2 sahur, subuh.. dia stdy. n still stdy. Non-stop weyh. She is surely with great determination. Npe, ak xcukup kuat ke? Ntahla.. bdn rsa sengal2.. Dem.

So. ini la dia aktiviti weekend ak walhal mgu dpn, Isnin ad kuiz, ptg kul 4 dh kna gerak nilai. training voleyball. mlm ad kelas lg. selasa kuiz, pastu ad lab exam.. n ptg selasa kna g nilai lg.. n cm ad trauma, naik bas uia msti rsa NAK MUNTAH. serius. xley tdo, walhal pjalanan 45 mins tu, yg len ramai je tdo.. ak plak? Jenuh kunyah gula2 fruit plus.hehe.

k,la. Entry xbnmanfaat lgsung! Lantak la. xde mud.

communication la beruk!

Biar ak straight to the point.

Ak mmg xfhm MANUSIA. Oh, wuek. No interest anymore to psychology.Even once, when im ni lower form, i wish-to be. Now. all i understand is. HURT. CONFUSE. OMG, serius akukonpi!!

I dont know where to start.First, when im nervous. i reali want to write in english! cause it'll make me write politely(perhaps)but.i hate it!  i want to use Malay. So, at the end. xley nk ekspress sume ye dgn baik.. rojak. demn!

ok. LOVE? LOVER? penah dgr, kau la racun dan kau la madu. Shit! ak dh rasa sume tu. And now, ak xfhm. npe psgn yg bcinta. yg knon ye saling mcintai. tp, akhirye., perlu bpisah. bjanji shidup semati, (oh, ak tidak la smpai cmni)... bkongsi suka duka... memori2 ntah btaon2 lme ye... peh! ak tau ap. masalah  ye cuma satu. ak yakin, satu ni je mslh.. xkira kau muda, kau psgn tua atau even spouse pn. masalah pling utama dlm relationship is COMMUNICATION.

IYE. ak bkn master. malah, ak rasa. lg baik buka buku mana2.. xpn, ha. g jer bca kt Terfaktab tu. ad la sgala mcm isu. xpn bka blog si Aqram. Love Lessons for Men la, women la.. Lantak la sume tu. Cuma, ak reali nk luah based on ap yg ak pendam.. Sakit ak.. Luka kt hati ak.. Tekanan dri ak.. 

Kau tau x, ko satu2 ye laki yg ak bg hati ak ni.. sume phatian yg ak xpnah bg kt laki len.. kau je dpt.. Dan yg pling pnting. ak declare ko sbgai partner ak. Ak sggup bdepan dgn malu, rsa brsalah.. dan sgala mcm lg luka sbb ko. Tp, yg ni ko bg kt ak? Shit. ko kta cinta weyh..?? Blah la. Xpyah la. Ak ni mmg pakar nk mgungkit. peh. mcm2 bnda jd, tp ak uat lupa je.. yela, nk uat cmne.. Kali ni. cukupla.

CUKUP SAMPAI DI SINI.

Yes, woman needs it. n guy. u ignore it! Demn.

I'll just put in points coz.ive got new hobby. actuali, hobi lme yg dh lme dtggalkan.. lg baik dri pk, citer psl ko!

1. today, i put something in front of his house. dia tau ak ad. tp, dia cuma tgok je..? Bongok. dhla smlm evrythng xok..

2. Smlm, hari prtama ak blek umah. supposely, evrytng msti la baik2 je kn. but demn. tidak. in fact, it turns out into a shit! ley plak nk ngajuk2, nk marah2 org xangkt fon. walhal, bfore tu kta, kna kuar ngn mak. ak dh down. so, nk tgok fon lg uat pe kn..? pastu, tba2 nk dtg plak. bongok. mle2 ckp xnk. pastu nk. pastu xdpt, nk marah2. ble owg dh minta maaf n try fix blek. ngamuk2 lg. Bongok!!!!

3. Ak xde la mgharap blasan pape. tp, sms ucap trima kasih pn susah. ni mmg pling ****!!! bdget la weyh... klu bz pn xkn xde msa seminit nk hntr msg "Terima kasih" atau klu nk cpat sgt, ha. taip je la TQ. Tp, x.. puye selfish taik kambing! sumpah. bangang gle r dpt pkwe cmni. klu nk hrap kol? lg la. mimpi je la ak....

4. iye. ak sedar. ak sedang kterlaluan. tp, ko pun kna aware la weyh. ak mmg tgh peod. ko mcm xtau plak cycle ak cmne kn..? kta nk jd DOCTOR? ap ke bngap doc, xkn xtau.. attitude pmpuan ble tgh dlm keadaan cmni...?? pastu uat prgai.. peh, peh, peh....

Ad lg klu nk ungkit.. ni bru smlm.. huh. mmg bikin hati panas beb.. 

TAPI....... im pathetic. i thought dat i'll no longer hav the guts to cry, but still. i do it. ntah la.. ak xley nk pk pape. n, ak dh xde bygn dia lg dlm otak ak. yg ad cuma sakit hati.. kcewa.. ye. dia kte dia cinta ak. ak cinta dia. Tp, ni la kot ksudahanye... bpe kali dh uat istikharah.. tp ptunjuk tu x jelas.. Ya Allah..

xpe la. Go on je la. by the time. ak xnk plan pape. xnk luka kn diri ak. ak tgh sakit. n ak xnk jd lg sakit...

so.

1. enjoy hobi lme... yg satu itu...

2. ak nk hbeskn novel GLAMOUR by LOUISE BAGSHAWN

3. bca novel yg bru dibelikn oleh seseorg... xigt tjuk..

4. mnjadikn nombor 53.3 itu kpd 48.0

5. spend time ngn family

6. kumpul duit.

7. aim : kasut Marie Claire! oh... i found nice one kt JJ Ayer Keroh.. Wait for me ok?

n, beg Sembonia.. super-duper charming. aaaaaaaaaaaaaaa....... nak! =)

EXAM la woiyh!

oH YEA. Exam la woiyh!!!! Pergi study.

Dri pg td, tdo.. stdy xsmpai 2 jam.. Tdo blek, lbey 2 jam..

Stdy lg.. Berblog plak pastu.

BUDGET pandai r ak ni!!??

Damn. Bongok.

Apsal ak emo sgt ni?

Hrap mklum. Sbulan skali.

gpn, tgh sakit ni oiyhhh........................

I want a TIME MACHINE.

salam.

Hm.. xde mud sgt rini.. lme sgt xnges.. n hri ni, cm xley nk bhenti plak. SADIS.

Ak. ntahla. Sape2..?? Ad xjmpa Time Machine lelong kt ne2 ke..??

Nk beli la.. Haha. Gle.

Klu ak dpt Time Machine tu.... ak ad pk gk la td nk uat ap..

1. Pegi kt zaman f4. Atau lebih tepat lg. Tarikh : 10 Mac 2008.. Time bsdy ak, ak xnk lyn anynomous. never!!

2. Buang tarikh 18 Nov setiap bulan dri dlm hdup ak..

3. Pegi kt time ak apply MRSM Taiping..Nk stay kt MRSM PDRM atau pindah dekat, MRSM TGB

4. Pegi kt time ak nk amik SPM, ak akan STRUGGLE sungguh2!!!

5. Pegi kt time ak sek rendh.. N, elak dri uat skandal muda2.haha.

Ntah. tu je la.

Atau yg sebenarnya, yg paling ak nak...

Pegi di jam 9pg, 10 Mac 1992.. Masa ak lahir.. Biar la ak lemas ke, ad pyakit ke.. So i wont live in this world. N, nnti kt akhirat. Ak dpt tarik ayh ibu ak ke syurga. Wah!'

Astagfirullah.

Cukup la.

4.

Nak marah, tp xjd.

Assalamualaikum..

Untuk Amir Ridwan only.

Tau x, atie td cm rsa dh fed up gle. Sgt letih hari ni, n sikap amir uat atie rsa letih.. Lg2 psal EVONY.. xkesah la klu bukan pn. Tp. baca ni.. Mmg dh lme nk luahkn.. Cme skang kn cm atie dh jarang kol.. So, jarang la atie 'bcerita'.

Smlm tdo dlm kul 2. N, kul 8 pg td dh bgun.. Iron2 bju,kmas2 skit.. n STUDY. ye, xbyk sgt pn. tp cuba. nk berubah.. nk jd lebih baik.. xnk myesal2.. n. tu la yg pksa diri utk bgun gk kul 8 wpn kelas kul 11pg. Klu dulu, msti kul 10.15pg bru bgun.. Pastu ad lab chem. Dhla lbcoat hilang.. Kna pnjam org.. Nk g beli, xde plak.. Abeh nk 1 lbey, mkn lg.. kul 2 dh ad fizik. kna dtg awl.. klu x, blakang skali la.. mujur kwn copkn tmpat tau.. Tharu sgt time tu. Blek2.. kul 4lbey, gi cri lab asstnt nk beli lbcoat.. bli brg sikit.. n plgkn labcoat kwn.. Tahan2 mata drpd nk tdo.. tp kul 5 tu trtdo gk.. sgt lena... tjaga kul 6 tp xlarat. kul 6.30 trus g mandi.. n tgok fon.. frust gle dgn amir.. ad 3-4 msg.. sume yer emo2... skali mskol lg... I thought i'll be hepi. but nope. i guess so.. msti ad bnda jd... Its not bcoz u miss me. but the only reason is. u r frustrated with ur city. lost of ur city. to be exact : FOR the sake of a game..?!!!!!!!!!!!!

Heish.................... Geram la mcm ni......

Amir igt, ap.? Lately ni,, mmg slalu gk la amir kol.. amir msg.. Mle2 rsa best. Lme2.. it turns up to uncomfrtble.. yela.. amir.. sbb evony je kn? sbb nk tau pkmbgn evony amir.?

Sori. u expect  a lot from me.. im not dat genius in games although i learn very well n fast from u.

i dislike gamesss.... forever. although i help u with this game.

I hate it when u kol me, just to ask about ur evony... but not me. who am i to u?

Dhla.. mmg dhla.. sbb tu td kol pn, atie cm dh malas nk angkt...

Btul kn.. Td, amir kol. Taye g mana n citer psl LUM yg dh kna attack, n tawan tu..

Bknye nk taye, npe atie hilang.. atie ok ke x..?

N. as i expected. xbaca lg! penat tau.. i spend my time nk cri info2 sume tu.. walhal amir bka je kn komp smlm..?

Amir. Please. hav some guilty in u.

I wont stay by ur side forever if dis continues.

Sincerely.

But then, i read a post in fb..

a story actuali.. n i cried a lot... sume bcmpur baur.. bout me, yg tgh xbrape nk ok.. n amir yg x ok.

http://www.facebook.com/notes/helmi-ali-berkata/cerita-y-di-ambil-dari-blog-rakan-kita-dari-unisza-baca-laa-kalau-rasa-syg-kat-p/168173836575283

dhla UNISZA.. n, seriusli.. sgt sdey.. atie pnah bygkn jd mcm ni.. but im the one with sickness...

Then... xjd nk marah...

K,la. sori sgt2 dear. its my fault too. I know u want to share ur favoured things with me.. u wanna hav a story to-tell to me.. (as i always ask for). Thank u. Sori for my misundrstnding. Sori for my criticism. Sori.
But. read it. n take it as SOMETHING. not NOTHING. bcoz that is " luahan hati " atie. Ok.


Out............  Nk bca matsurat =)

Geram Sungguh

Bismillahirrahmanirahim..

1..

2...

3...

4....

5.....

6........

7.......

8...........

9........

10............

Sabar..

Sabar la sgt.Tp mmg geram sunnguh.

Amir.. Amir.. Adhai.cm ap je kn.. sikit2 Amir,sikit2 Amir.. xde nme len ke..? Maaf,, khususye buat diri ak. tu la, sape suh terjebak dgn bnda2 cmni.. xnk dgr pesan org tua.. Jd, blog ni la jd mgsa. Meluahkan perasaan.. hohoho.

Dia dpt gaji 30hb, tp xgtau pn.. sdah2 ye, selasa,31hb off day.kuar. n hbiskan RM1000. tggl RM100 je.. Ntah ap2.. xreti nk myimpan, xreti nk manage duit.. Pastu, degil. Geram Sungguh...Ikut suka kau la Labi.....

Bkn psl tu je.. Sblum ni, psal UPU dia.. Org ajak kuar.. (time gduh2 dlu), xnk. knonnye nk settlekn UPU la.. Pastu, cek blek UPU dia sbb kbetulan nisa tlg cek kn utk kwn dia, MERAPU SUNGGUH.

Kononnya, dia dh pk msa depan.. Tp amik Business and Management.. Eish.xley terima.. 

Mmg tu hak dia utk pk psl msa depan dia.tp klu no 2-8 tu bnda yg lbey krg sme, dgn xde basic.. Ntah btul ke x nk keje cmtu.. TIBA-TIBA, lg 10 minit UPU nk tutup.dia minta tlg ak.. Dhla x rasionalize nk yg ne. Juz ckp, "pilihla pe yg atie suka.. Atie kn bakal isteri Amir.." before tu, "atie,isi je la seolah-olah atie isi utk diri atie"..  

WAH> BETUL KE TAK BETUL si Amir ni??... Geram Sungguh la dgn dia...

Tp, dia steady je.. Uat prgai endah x endah dia tu..

Ah.. Suka hati kau la Labi.....

Xpe la.. (im not okay)

Kdg2 rasa lawak la plak ble pk blek.. Mmg Geram Sungguh kt bdk ni.hehe.

Papepn, im hoping the best for u..

Ktorg dh ok.. Ak ngalah.. Ak tggu dia rehat.ktorg lepak sme.. n ak pujuk dia..

Nseb bek la dia 'cair'.. xreti nk pujuk lebih2.. haha. =P

love.love.love

Assalamualaikum.

Im fine. =)

Sbnrye, byk gk bnda tertangguh hri ni.tp. ad gk improvement.

finali, dpt pn uat latihan2.. ajar adik2 ak.. yela.diorg ni.degil.nk tgok tv lebey.

n hri ni, ak bca lbey byk dri smlm.alhamdulillah.. 

pastu. rini ad isu/msalah baru.

bkn masalah ak.n xde kaitn pn.. 

cme sdikit sbnyak, uat ak berpk,berpk dgn lbey mndlm. mgesahkn syak wasangka ak yg dlu. n bg amaran kt ak.

Dan.smlm, ak tgok Oprah, dia bncgkn isu fear. 

dan kpntingn utk seseorg prmpuan tu ikut kata hati dia ble mgatakn TIDAK.

msti dh biasa dgr kn?. 

"ble lelaki ckp tak, mmg tak. tp ble prmpuan ckp x, bnda tu ley negotiate"

yela. sgt sesuai dgn ak.. n ni yg uat ak berpk pnjg,,

tp. xsihat sgt hari ni. cm demam..

n, xnk pk dgn lebey mndlm, berat.

xnk trlibat dgn perkara2 yg myusahkn hti, yg mgngu ktenangn hati.

xnk tertipu dgn mainan perasaan lg.

cukupla. klu ye pn ak xkuat slma ye utk elak. tp. hari ni, pn dh cukup.

n klu ak brjaya uat esok, sgt bgus.

ak nk rehat. n nk share gmbr2...

wallpaper yg menarik =)

profile pic fb kali ni. hehe

 

the end.

If I had a single flower for every time I think about you, I could walk forever in my garden.

* dri fb si Syafiq Salleh.

Nice ha?.

i miss u.

dol!

malu nk tulis kt sini.malu nk express kt sini.

n xrajin nk tulis gna pen..

penat nk tekan kt fon.

so.i paste there.ur messages.

konpi:::::

Assalamualaikum..
Hm..
Akceli sjak kblkgn ni, mmg rsa xbtul,xok..
Evrythng. Mkn pn,btmbh byk!
Snsitip terlbey!
mata?...


Haishh.. salah sy ke?
sbb sdg mghdpi saat2 cmni..
nk uat cmne?
i try my best to be ok.
tp,still x ok.
especiali, towrds u.
Sorry.


Trust me, its not favourable.. but,still
i cried.not only my eyes,but 
hurts d most is my heart
Do undrstand me.
Please.


I thought u r.
cuz it has been the monthly routine.
tp,xjgak.
xpe la..
biarla...
tgkla smpai ble...


But,i want u to noe dat..
all these while,the disapointment
dh....
ntah la....
xtau rsa pe dh..
segan dh...
xnk start pape dh....
biar kn cmni.huh.


p/s: Thnks syaza. u brdband helps me a lot! Thnk u!!!!!



 

sorry dear Akukonpi, i need my deaaary.

Believe it or not,

yes. sharing is caring.

But not all the things are meant to be shared.

Sori.

need my time to-be alone.

Only this time.

Need to fix it.

as soon as it'l be better.

Deaaary,

Here i come again.

ok.fine.

ok, u reali did it.

n, u'll regret.

fine,fine. 

im crying not bcoz of u.

but im happy.

i am free from u.

Unstable~~

Salam. Skang ni sy x stabil. Huooooh.
dan tiba2 sy teringat.. (xnk la gna sy.hehe)
hm...
Ak..
Ak dlu kn time kt Tpg la.. Plg kronik..
Sbabye,ak mmg xska alone..
even sumtimes,ak rsa yg ak lg prefer alone.but.
i just cant b alone!!.... =(
N ble,dpt jd JKK.. im alone.
sgt sdey..
sy acik mnangis..
btemankn dinding batu dan plawood kayu..
sy sdey,,

next,ble sdey..
sy mle xbmaya..
baring.... tidur...
itu la jwpnnye...
N skang ni... tba2 rsa cmtu.. xtau la npe..
Walhal,im suposely being vry hepi for these 2 dys...
Mmg hepi..
but at THIS MOMENT.. rsa x..
xpe la..
nk rehat..
nk rehat..

Mayb i need to sleep for a while.
Then,study2!! kuiz.. nk catch up bnda yg xbljr lg,nk prepare lg.

be strong zati.. be strong!!...


p/s : Hari ni ak hdiahkn 3 org rumate ak BOOKMARK yg each of it has diff quotes.. N sumhow.ad 1 ni yg ak xbli,tp ak agk suka.. Lbey krg cmni la..

THE TOUGH TIMES do no lasts,
but THE TOUGH PERSON always do..

" When Im With You"- faber drive

tgh dgr lgu ni berulang kali, n xtau title post pe yg sesuai.. So,i just put the title of dis song.. ='(
sbnrye, skang.. sgt sdey ni.. But im trying to be strong.. Jus like an idiom~ keep a stiff upper lip'.. Well,that is what i reali feels right now. hate it!! n agin hate evrything around me.. Evrything bout me??... ntah la.. it started with hypersomniac n now,yg ni plak... aduhai............

Sgt sdey... nk ngis.... nk.. ....... .... ... huhu......

im vry glad,ysterday i created dis blog.. klu x, xtau nk luahkn kt ne.. diary dh full.. xkn nk kt fb plak?... so,biarlah di blog ni... Aku Konpi.. yeah... konpi... ak skang ni tgh knpius dgn prasaan ak sndiri... Npe ha??... Npe... tp it semms dat im not ready to tell evrythng in here.but i need to.. or it will bcoming worse as im not longer eating happily,sleep well n more others...

Hati sy sdang bduka lara.........................................

p/s : smile plish.. huhu